Sounded Good at the Time...

• Conduct a Market Survey
• Find out how motivated the Seller is
• Get a feel for what the lowest offer price should be at the very least

Just scratch your head, go with a “gut response,” and collect that big, fat commission check.

Who cares that Zillow.com has the Buyers’ new home valued below what they paid or that the Buyers find out at closing that the Seller would have been ecstatic with the lower price they had wanted to offer but you talked them out of (by claiming that it was a “hot market” and “this house won’t last long”).

Force the Buyers to use your choice of:

• Pest Inspector 1
• House Inspector 2
• Closing Attorney 3

1 Who didn’t even want to show the Buyers his report but instead was focused on trying to get business from the Seller (to treat the existing termite infestation).

2 Even though you know he has screwed up in the past and will certainly screw up again by missing damage that the Seller should pay for fixing.

3 Who screwed up the closing by failing to get one of the Sellers to sign off on their claim to the property and then quit a week before the closing date, delaying the closing and almost losing the Buyers their rate lock at a time when interest rates had jumped up a percentage point.

Let your opinions prevail over what the Buyers want, such as:

• Not scheduling certain houses to show the Buyers because you think their location isn’t suitable (after all, you’re a “housing consultant”!)
• Including a request for a useless home warranty in the purchase offer.
• Not pursuing the installation of a digital thermostat (an item agreed to on the repairs list) because you think “they’re a waste of money”
• Letting certain items on the house inspection report slide or not pursuing getting any of the repairs agreed to by the Seller done at all
• Letting the Pest Inspector also be the one who treats the termite infestation (thus giving the Buyers no real, objective assurance that the treatment was even done, let alone done correctly)

If the Buyers start squawking
about pulling out of the sale,
keep pushing the idea that
they could lose their deposit.

Don’t mention to them that in reality, Buyers almost
always get their deposit back, no matter why
they pulled out of the sale.

When problems show
up with the house
(ones that were missed
by the House Inspector),
claim it’s not your fault
and refuse to communicate
with the Buyers.

Follow this up with lies and denials to the Real Estate
Commission when a complaint is filed against you.

Think that you did a great job for the Buyers because:

• You gave them a fancy binder containing duplicates of papers they already have
• You gave them a $25 gift card to Home Depot (boy, that sure goes a long way toward covering all of the extra expenses the Buyers incurred – NOT!)
• You invite them once a year to a mosquito-invested park to chow down on barbecued chicken (ptomaine, anyone?) along with the rest of your victims
• You’re such a swell person (Gee, why can’t the Buyers see that?)

Oh well, you have that big, fat commission check to keep
you warm, no matter how unreasonable the Buyers
are about how you shafted them.

# posted by A.C. Cargill @ 6:02 PM